Internationals' Week Roundup

Talking points abound from the past week's international fixtures. Maradona's Argentina flirt with disaster after losing to Brazil and Paraguay, Spain and Holland stroll into the finals with one hundred percent records, Mexico storm into second place in the CONCACAF group after a poor early start, and Bahrain upset Saudi Arabia in a roller coaster match that means the we'll miss the glorious Saudi style at the World Cup for the first time since Italia '90.

But, as always, the biggest story comes out of England as Mr. Goldenballs flew 5,000 miles from Los Angels to sit on the bench against Slovenia and play ten minutes against a battered Croatia. Opinions have been divided. The Mirror, ever the stalwart of journalism, ran the headline “David Beckham gets World Cup nod from Capello.” MLS Talk thinks otherwise. The heat and passion, however, which follow Beckham wherever he goes, has unfortunately blinded these impeccable journalists from the facts.

He's gonna go to South Africa. He's gonna sit on the bench. England are gonna win. He's gonna kiss the trophy. The press are gonna crown his career in glory. And Victoria and him are gonna name their conveniently newly conceived kid Johannesburg.

“Facts?”, you ask yourself. Yes, facts. Our investigative reporter PJ “All Right One More Pint” Tizza uncovered the decree detailing these orders; signed by none other than Simon Fuller himself. The document, stamped with the official 19 Entertainment seal, made clear that failure to carry out the decree would cause serious revenue loss for shitty English papers and may be punishable by forced labor as a roadie on The Spice Girls' second Final Reunion Tour.

If you, however, refuse to believe the facts you'll certainly see the truth in transfer rumors. Apparently Goldenballs is heading to Tottenham in the MLS close season. Surely nothing could be more convincing for Capello that Davy is ready to sit on the bench in South Africa as Aaron Lennon tears up the right wing than for him to do the same for four months at Spurs.

That's about all the space we have for the week's international fixtures - we've got to save some time to sweat over our predictions for Guardian's Pick the Score. Top of Football Weekly's group but it's nervy times with two tough matches this weekend - City at home to Arsenal and their North London rivals Spurs hosting United. The latter match is easy enough to predict but I can't seem find the button for "Postponed until both managers' faces return to a human colour."