Monday, September 28, 2009

Why Soccer Will Fail - Part I


I. The Dream of Middle-class Suburbia to Middle-class Suburbia


Not until American boys and girls play feral soccer on their own, for the love of the sport, will the nation develop its own Jordan, its own Pujols, its own Crosby or Malkin, its own Maradona.

George Vecsey, New York Times, June 24 2009


It shouldn't take an PhD to make a connection when looking at the great breeding grounds of football – the favelas of Rio, dirt pitches of Africa, the cobbled streets of Marseille or La Boca. Similarly in the US, and unlike modern soccer, the roots of the sport stem from working class immigrants. The first FA dates back to 1884 and San Francisco has an active four tier league which dates as far back as 1903. The clubs that made up these early leagues – Albion Rovers, French A.C., Bethlehem Steel and Kearny Irish – were obviously often centered around ethnic communities and factory workers.

One of the difficulties however with the sport's early popularity was the size of the United States. The distance between the East Coast and the West Coast is approximately that of London to Moscow. Even baseball failed to introduce any West Coast teams to the MLB until 1957. In fact it was probably baseball itself that proved the biggest hindrance to the growth of the football in the United States. Just as football was growing in popularity from the 1930's to the 50's, with the introduction the World Cup and televised matches, the United States, pulling itself out of the dregs of the Great Depression, was becoming a world superpower and cementing it's national identity. Immigrants were eager to assimilate and follow the American sports of baseball and gridiron.

Fast forward to the end of the century, past the circus experiment of the NASL and the New York Cosmos, as the US qualified for Italia '90 – their first World Cup in fifty years. Soccer was now being played by millions of youth around the country. They weren't, however, playing in their neighborhoods or during recess at school; they weren't playing in the projects in Harlem or the streets in Compton. In fact every single member of the USA's 1990 World Cup team had been to or was in college. If America's youth wanted a more competitive environment than the public recreational leagues they had to join club teams. You had to pay for uniforms, league fees, insurance, traveling expenses and sometimes even overnight stays at tournaments. Because these clubs were not connected with any professional clubs, only those who could afford the expensive costs were able to play and progress to the higher levels. By the mid-nineties the term “soccer mom”, suburban mothers carting their children to and from sporting events in minivans was a household phrase and, incidentally, proved a major talking point in the 1996 presidential election.

In comparison its nearly impossible to find out who was the last university graduate to play for the England national team. For millions of kids around the world the dream of professional football is the only way they can see of getting out of the lower classes. As Eduardo Galeano points out in his book Football in Sun and Shadow, these youth often have a choice between a life of crime or making it in professional football. Its impossible to believe that this won't affect the style of play on the pitch.
Across the powerhouse continents of South America, Europe and Africa youth academies scout and recruit the best talent, provide uniforms, coaching, transport to matches, education, and often room and board. Granted this system has its own problems – from the difficulty of moving countries at a young age to the horrors of child trafficking – but these are mostly consequences of the greed and commercialism in football rather than the academy system itself.

As long as the development of talent comes from the middle class through club teams and then at college the United States will struggle to reach the world standard. Vecsey's phrase “feral soccer” sums up of the crux of the issue perfectly. If the US Federation wants to attract America's youth to the sport they'd find much more success sending Thierry Henry and Lionel Messi into Queens in a Ferrari F430 to play a game of keepy-uppy than all of MLS's marketing dollars or fifty dollar tickets to see Europe's top clubs engage in preseason pointlessness.

Friday, September 11, 2009

Internationals' Week Roundup


Talking points abound from the past week's international fixtures. Maradona's Argentina flirt with disaster after losing to Brazil and Paraguay, Spain and Holland stroll into the finals with one hundred percent records, Mexico storm into second place in the CONCACAF group after a poor early start, and Bahrain upset Saudi Arabia in a roller coaster match that means the we'll miss the glorious Saudi style at the World Cup for the first time since Italia '90.

But, as always, the biggest story comes out of England as Mr. Goldenballs flew 5,000 miles from Los Angels to sit on the bench against Slovenia and play ten minutes against a battered Croatia. Opinions have been divided. The Mirror, ever the stalwart of journalism, ran the headline “David Beckham gets World Cup nod from Capello.” MLS Talk thinks otherwise. The heat and passion, however, which follow Beckham wherever he goes, has unfortunately blinded these impeccable journalists from the facts.

He's gonna go to South Africa. He's gonna sit on the bench. England are gonna win. He's gonna kiss the trophy. The press are gonna crown his career in glory. And Victoria and him are gonna name their conveniently newly conceived kid Johannesburg.

“Facts?”, you ask yourself. Yes, facts. Our investigative reporter PJ “All Right One More Pint” Tizza uncovered the decree detailing these orders; signed by none other than Simon Fuller himself. The document, stamped with the official 19 Entertainment seal, made clear that failure to carry out the decree would cause serious revenue loss for shitty English papers and may be punishable by forced labor as a roadie on The Spice Girls' second Final Reunion Tour.

If you, however, refuse to believe the facts you'll certainly see the truth in transfer rumors. Apparently Goldenballs is heading to Tottenham in the MLS close season. Surely nothing could be more convincing for Capello that Davy is ready to sit on the bench in South Africa as Aaron Lennon tears up the right wing than for him to do the same for four months at Spurs.

That's about all the space we have for the week's international fixtures - we've got to save some time to sweat over our predictions for Guardian's Pick the Score. Top of Football Weekly's group but it's nervy times with two tough matches this weekend - City at home to Arsenal and their North London rivals Spurs hosting United. The latter match is easy enough to predict but I can't seem find the button for "Postponed until both managers' faces return to a human colour."

I wish I were a Right Side Boy

Rarely have I come across opinions on football as erudite and informed as these Brighton fans away to FC Franchise.


Granted, if you stuck me in the middle of that lot I'd probably think there could be nothing better in the world - apart from the five extra naughty pints I'd had for breakfast.

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Why Soccer Will Fail

“Sometimes football is a funny thing.”
Tim Howard after the US victory against Spain


Like a niggling injury that just won't go away soccer kept popping up in the headlines this summer. Proceedings kicked off with a bang as the US national team shocked everyone by defeating Spain by two goals and then leading Brazil by the same score at halftime of the Confederations Cup final. While they couldn't hold out against a rampant Brazil in the second half and pick up their first FIFA trophy, the US had managed to defeat the champions of Europe and Africa after everyone had written them off. Ordinary Americans were talking about the result and the mainstream press was discussing the team's Confederations Cup performances as a turning point for the sport in the US.

No sooner had the final whistle blown in Johannesburg when attention turned to the sport's perennial figure as David Beckham made his return to the MLS and the LA Galaxy. The disappointment and frustration of US heroes Alexi Lalas and Landon Donovan in Grant Wahl's book “The Beckham Experiment”, published four days before his first match against DC United, set the stage for what would prove a turbulent return for the former England captain. There were the booing crowds, his bizarre altercations with individual fans and the early sending off against the Seattle Sounders for a foul on former teammate Peter Vagenas. For conspiracy theorists it highlighted another unsavory aspect of Wahl's book: the dubious influence of Beckham's handlers at 19 Entertainment. The book, the angry fans, and a hot tempered Beckham all coincided nicely with his decision to begin wearing short sleeves, thus revealing his tattoos. While he might have traded the role of savior for Judas Beckham was still making headlines – which after all is, in Beckham-world, the most important thing. Curiously none of the headlines involved what happened on the pitch.

Capping off the summer was the now routine tour of Europe's elite clubs around the country – with both players and owners doing their best to convince this was more than just about filling the ever growing coffers. Still its hard to deny the impact of Barcelona drawing over 200,000 in crowds to three matches on their brief west coast tour. Just as interesting was the subtle, but shocking, decision to name the exhibition tournament involving Inter Milan, AC Milan, Chelsea and Club America the World Football Challenge.

Amidst all these stories, the question on the lips of fans and journalists alike was the same, “Is soccer breaking into the mainstream?” Did the victory over Spain signal a watershed moment for the sport in the US? Did the venom showed at Beckham's Galaxy return show MLS fans actually cared? Did the decision of Europe's top clubs to tour the country reveal their brands had finally broken into a much coveted market?

Looking beyond the typical American bullishness of onwards and upwards, the superficial headlines and (anti) Beckham-mania it's not difficult to compile a few observations to answer these questions. So in a five part series that absolutely no one will care about or read we'll try to find out what's really in store for the beautiful game in the United States.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Welcome to the dregs of football commentary


So, as we all know, there are a plethora of football blogs out there – some decent ones, even – and no one is going to bother reading this one. That all suits me just fine as I won't really have anything interesting to say besides the occasional tooting of my own horn about how I can make a kick ass cuppa or the best beans and toast humanity has witnessed.

Anyway, before we get started on any proper posts I'll lay down a few ground rules.

1.The MLS is shit.
2.US Soccerball is shit.
3.Tommy Smyth is a short bald shit.

And in case you're wondering, yes, it's only going to go downhill from here...

If, however, you hate Davy Goldenballs, diving eyeties, Chelski, yanks, 80 million Euro galatico cunts, FC Franchise, WAGs, modrn football/$occer, transfer rumors, Sven, and odd year summers you might want to stick around for a laugh.