Why the Kool-Aid isn't appetizing

I recently received this Fox Sports column on the World Cup in my inbox. Unfortunately I can't email the writer directly (well I can but there's a word limit), so I figured I'd leave him an open letter here. Plus I feel the topic warrants discussion (aka. I feel like rambling on about something no one else really cares about or will ever read).

Dear Sir,

Firstly I must confess that I do not regularly follow your column or American sports. I do, however, respect your opinion and expect you are quite knowledgeable regarding the popular sporting competitions here in the States.

That said, I would like to mention a couple points in response to your article on the World Cup.

1.First of all it seems rather silly to start off an article by alienating the audience you wish to speak to. Shouldn't editorial journalism aim to openly discuss topics with those of a differing viewpoint? Essentially, what's the point in preaching to the choir?

2.You mention that “prejudice, for me, isn't the problem” and yet later admit if “you were raised with soccer, I'd totally get it.” This sounds like prejudice to me – a preconceived judgement or opinion – but prejudice isn't necessarily a bad thing. In fact it's unavoidable really. The issue is whether or not one can recognize their prejudices. You weren't raised with soccer, so you don't like it all that much. Seems like a normal reaction.

3.However, the constant need to discuss soccer and why it's boring and why you, as a American sports enthusiast, don't like it gets old really quick. No one else in the entire world does this. You won't find an English journalist writing an article on how dull baseball is during the World Series. Nor would you find a Chinese reporter mentioning how funny it is that American football players wear so many pads during the Super Bowl. If an American sport captures the attention of a foreign nation, such as basketball has in China, then it is followed with some interest. If it doesn't, as American football might be in China, then it just isn't discussed.

4.This leads to the main point of your whole article: you are annoyed that you have to hear so much about a sport you care so little about and which you imagine most Americans care very little about. You're a little bored this summer and need a good whine; not unlike an Englishman during alternating years between World Cups and European Championships who is forced to watched boring old cricket. Now a more interesting article would ask why anyone is trying to kick “a hole in the ancient force field” that keeps Americans from liking soccer and the likelihood of this actually happening.

5.During the World Cup in 2006 and estimated 93 million people worldwide watched each match and more than 5.6 billion people watched matches live during the entire tournament. My research might not be top notch, but the point the article makes is right on the money. American television networks crave the kind of audiences the rest of the world has when it comes to soccer. It's an untapped market here in America and like all untapped markets a demand has to be created. But what the idiotic American network executives fail to realize and what is most important about this whole issue is that sports are unlike other products. The demand for sporting events doesn't come top down through basic marketing maneuvers. The demand comes from the people. People know what sports they like and the networks have to react accordingly. No one is going to convince you that soccer is interesting by marketing it at you (which is why they got all your kids to play so they get them while they're young). Its a fake gesture, a free market capitalist cowboy attempt to wrangle in a few more dollars. The rest of the world worships soccer. Hell, the rest of the world calls it a completely different name. That's how much Americans don't care about it. And you know what? It's all right. It doesn't really matter if soccer catches on here in the States. It probably will gain popularity due to the “steady growth in the Spanish-speaking population” and a younger generation more acquainted with the game. But the rest of the world doesn't care. And really, most Americans won't care. The only people that care either stand to make money out of the sport's success in the US or are the targeted clientele who feel the need to convert everyone else.

Anyway, my response seems to be just about as longer as your original article, making the probability that you've actually read any of this very small. I hope your enjoy the sports you grew up with and I hope that you leave me to enjoy the sports that I grew up with.

Regards,
Joe Buckner

Ingurland, Ingurland, Ingurland

It's easy to lose hold of logic and reason in the face of such passionate events like the World Cup. For one, I slunk to a new low and purchased The Sun's Guide to the World Cup. Reviews on Amazon were positive and truth be told the guide is good. Good comedy that is.

Besides picking England to win the World Cup, the Sun's experts - including sages Ian Wright, Terry Venables, and Harry Redknapp - predicted that Germany would fail to make it through their group stage. Yes, the German team that placed third at the World Cup in 2006 and were runners up at Euro 2008. While England, who haven't progressed past the quarter-finals in twenty years at the World Cup and didn't even qualify for Euro 2008, would win the lot. Had me in tears. Mind you not the same kind of tears streaming down the faces of the English nation yesterday.

Funny really how English tears of pain pretty much lead to tears laughter everywhere else in the world. Everyone here at Pass It! has had a right good laugh, not only at the atrocious England performances but at the headless-chickens-running-around-the-yard reaction from the press. Is it Johnny Foreigner's fault? John Terry's failed coup? Exhausting Premier League season? Over hyped millionaire brats? Lack of goal line technology? Robert Green's blunder against the States? Incompetence of the FA?

The difficulty the press is finding is a clear cut scapegoat. In 1998 it was Beckham's lash at Simeone. 2002 it was David Seaman's flapping against Brazil. 2006's quarter final exit was once again blamed on a sending off, this time to Wayne Rooney. But now in 2010, with so many abject performances and no sending offs the English media have no single person to blame.

Since most you've probably already been beaten over the head with "expert" analysis as to England's failure in South Africa I'll limit my reactions to those regarding the coach, Fabio Capello.

The media is divided over this one. Folks like Harry Redknapp - good old 'arry - protest the need for an English manager; putting forward his own name with Roy Hodgson and Sam Allardyce. Big Sam for England? The thought alone of an Allardyce's 4-5-1 has already put me to sleep.

As has been well documented, no English manager has won the league title since Howard Wilkinson in 1991 and only two English managers - Joe Royle and Harry Redknapp - have lifted the FA Cup since 1994. There simply have been no successful English managers during this "golden generation" of footballers.

A number of journalists have also pointed to the fact that while Capello has had a successful club career he has no experience at major international tournaments. This is rather silly as the past three World Cup winning managers (Lippi, Scolari, Jacquet) also had no prior international experience - unless we're counting Scolari's success with Kuwait in the 1990 Gulf Cup.

The manager though has to shoulder a lot of the blame. He obviously didn't bother learning English and if he treats some players in the disgraceful way he treated Stuart Pearce I wouldn't be surprised by a lack of motivation in the squad. The English squad was the oldest at the tournament with aging players like David James and Jamie Carragher featuring while Premier League standouts Joe Hart and Michael Dawson didn't get so much as a sniff. Darren Bent, scorer of 25 goals this year for Sunderland didn't even make the squad. The fact that on the eve of announcing the squad Capello tried to convince Paul Scholes, six years retired from the national side, to return speaks volumes.

While a different manager, or an English manager, might not have been able to win the tournament, I imagine the side would have performed a hell of a lot more admirably. Personally I'd much rather have a Mike Bassett-esque manager telling the media he's going to play "four-four-fucking-two", watch a couple of traditional wingers bomb down the sides and read stories of players out on town until the wee hours of the morn.

As 1966 wades further and further into the distance the English have become more and more desperate, to the point where international football is no longer any fun. As the country that gave us the game and entertains us with the best league int he world this is quite sad. I can only hope Ian Holloway leads a young plucky England out to Euro 2012.

Less Rock, More Talk

Don't know what day of the week it is? What time of the day it is? What meal you should be eating next? Or even when you last ate? When you have to be at work next? Spent a little too much time with your Panini sticker album? Fantasy team? Daily podcasts? Hourly news reports? Minute to minute tweets? My god, it's 2010 World Cup overdose!

Amidst watching six hours of football everyday Pass It! has found time to bring you in depth analysis of all the action so far.

1. How is it that in this commercial golden age of football the commentators and TV pundits just get worse and worse? TV revenue ballons and yet someone feels the need to send Alexi Lalas and John Harkes halfway across the world to jabber on like...well, American tourists. Neither one of them seems able to accept the fact that the United States' disallowed goal against Slovenia isn't the first time a referee has made a mistake let alone something worth mentioning every half a minute.

Granted ESPN has shelled out a lot to bring in the likes of Martin Tyler, Ruud Gullit, Jurgen Klinsmann, and Steve Mcmanaman (lord knows he ain't cheap) but the asinine and Ameri-centric comments from Lalas and Harkes have ruined a few matches. We here at Pass It! have even discovered the frequency of the vuvuzelas in order to turn them up in the hopes of drowning out the blabbering yanks.

2. While some have acknowledged the success of the South American sides in the tournament so far, few are offering an explanations why. Pass It!'s opinion? It's really not that complicated. The South American qualifying campaign involves at least eighteen matches against high level opposition. Brazil, Argentina, Chile, Paraguay and Uruguay all had to face each other twice before reaching the finals in South Africa. In the end Ecuador, Colombia and Bolivia all finished within two points of Uruguay. Did I hear someone say squeaky bum time?

Contrast this with European qualification groups, such as the one the reigning champions Italy faced - Ireland, Bulgaria, Cyprus, Montenegro and Georgia - and it's not hard to see why the European sides might struggle. The European teams need to play only ten matches and could qualify, as Switzerland did, despite losing to the likes of Luxembourg at home and drawing against Israel and Latvia.

The number of competitive matches against quality opposition look to have given the South American teams an edge over their European rivals in the early stages of this World Cup. Of course, as we all know, it's early days yet and the knock out rounds could easily turn everything upside down.

3. It's 2010 and some Yanks think they'll win the World Cup before an African side, yet you still have to teach people - soccerball fans, mind you - about the offsides rule. USA to win the World Cup? You're 'avin a laugh. The only reason this Pass It! correspondent sleeps soundly at night is knowing he won't have to live to see it happen. Sadly he still has to spend his waking hours attempting to educate American soccerball fans.

4. Finally, cheers to Nicolas Anelka for finally having the guts to tell Raymond Domenech what the entire country has been dying to for years. In the end the buck stops at the FFF who should have fired Domenech's ass a long time ago. At any rate with Larry White filling in Douchenech's role I've already put a nice bet on France to take Euro '12.

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That's it for now. I won't promise any more posts because there won't be any. Back to the Panini sticker album!

Groundhog Day A Little Early for Gooner Kids

“Well, what if there is no tomorrow? There wasn't one today.”

We all know how life at the Premiership works. You lose one match and when you wake up in the morning to read the papers you might have a club crisis on your hands. So it really won't come as much of a surprise to see Arsène Wenger's critics creeping out of the woodwork to continue their well documented judgements – not enough experience, not enough strength, not enough depth. Arsenal's supporters must themselves be a pit perturbed at Wenger's inability to bring in attacking options in the absence of Robin van Persie, not to mention shocked to see Sol Campbell, the only incoming player in the transfer window, back at the club.

Even the manager seems a bit fed up. After Sunday's loss to United Wenger criticised his side as “naïve” and pointed to “mental reasons” for why his side fell so short. The real question though is what does that say about Wenger? We've seen his young Arsenal side produce some scintillating football but repeatedly fail when confronted with physical challenges, “anti-football” and opposition players who can take long throw-ins. The issue has reached a comic point now as almost every report on the club finds room to break out the Islington kindergarteners line. But if his youngsters are naïve, shouldn't we label their manager likewise to continue with them?

As with a tragic hero, the Frenchmen's strengths can also be his undoing. Wenger's stubbornness and rigid adherence to his footballing philosophy produced one of the most fantastic sides from the past two decades. Yet these same qualities have meant Arsenal have not won anything in five years and failed to finish in the top two during that same period. There's no doubt of Wenger's eye for talent, shrewdness on the transfer market, and advocacy of the beautiful game. But that won't necessarily win you titles. Just as Don Revie. Well, I guess we can't technically ask Don Revie...

It's no secret, Wenger just cannot, or refuses, to adapt. What do you do when facing a physical Stoke City who like to utilize Rory Delap's long throw-ins? Apparently nothing, until after the match when you have a bit of a moan and wildly suggest the possibility of kick-ins. And what happens when your side faces an packed central midfield of Paul Scholes, Michael Carrick and Darren Fletcher? You think you might want to throw on a couple wingers and stretch the game out, but instead Wenger decided to crowd things further with Song, Fabregas, Nasri and Denílson in the midfield. Meanwhile Nani and Park bombed down the wings to devastating effect and left Arsenal looking well and truly like, well, Islington kindergarteners.

Of course you can't sack Wenger because he lost to United, the second place side in the league. And you can't sack him after Arsenal lose to Chelsea, the top side in the league, next weekend. But you do have to ask questions. Wenger might have to cut a piece of humble pie and take a look at his “untouchable” counterpart Ferguson as an example. The Scotsman has constantly been destructing and constructing sides since he took over at Old Trafford. A quickness to offload players, further quickness to give aging players a chance, changing formations and a revolving door of assistant managers has ensured Manchester United have consistently remained in the trophy hunt season after season.

While Wenger is often praised for his production line of good little footballers, his saving grace might be to gamble with a player who won't always say yes; with a bit of a rash streak to them but who can propel a team forward almost at sheer will. Not unlike another Frenchmen, one whom helped kick off Ferguson's success at United.

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Now that the first month of this new year new has passed we can begin to asses what lies in store for us in 2010.

1. Ronaldo reincarnated in Nani? I for one can't wait to see another Portuguese winger hepped up on steroids, photographed in bulging swim trunks, necking with Paris Hilton and flirting with a move to Real Madrid. Some flashy tricks, a few goals and crashing an expensive sports car wouldn't hurt either.

2. It seems Robinho has finally got some sense knocked into him and realized what a great career move leaving Manchester City can be. It did wonders for Richard Dunne. Robinho to win the World Cup in South Africa to this summer. Who knows how many boxes of condoms he'll need for that celebration...

3. Wayne Rooney will get injured prior to South Africa. You know it'll happen. What on earth will journalists do if he doesn't? England needs her daily metatarsal updates. Ad men at daily publications across the country demand them.

4. Rafael Benitez to remain in charge of Liverpool next season. Hilarious.

5. Sir Alex Ferguson discovers the best way to “put City in their place” and fields his U-16 Academy team in the Carling Cup Final. Post match reaction: “We just didn't want them to bloody win it! Even if its only the Mickey Mouse Cup!”

Weekly Update

Something tells me the real Berlusconi might not be smiling...

Cracking derby matches in Manchester and Milan, the magic of the FA Cup officially back on, a ten goal roller coaster at Villa Park, Barca taking the Winter Title undefeated, and frolicking Dutchmen in Bavaria ensured an action packed week of football no matter what you were watching. The only disappointment coming in the African Cup of Nations where the big stars and big teams have failed to live up to expectations in the continent's biggest football year in its history.

In Manchester most of the focus has been on Gary Neville and Carlos Tevez's little spat. Shame really, as the two probably couldn't get into a real spat without a translator and because the first leg League Cup semi-final proved a great match. The goals themselves weren't much to look at – Giggs being at the right place at the right time, City's penalty should have been a free kick - but Rooney's dominance in the latter stages and Given's incredulity at refusing United an equalizer meant that even neutrals could be forgiven for slipping off the edge of their seats. Both teams will feel they can take the second leg and set up a date with Villa at Wembley. The real question is whether or not Ferguson will rest anyone ahead of their league match against Arsenal on the weekend.

The Milan derby provided one of the best matches this season. Inter surged out of the gates, tearing away at Milan's injury hit and aging defense. They were rewarded with a Milito goal early on but things took a bizarre twist when the referee sent off Wesley Sneijder with a straight red card for nothing more sinister than a bit of sarcasm. Milan failed to capitalise, Inter scored another, Mourinho went a bit mad on the touchline and after the final whistle the unused substitute, and eternal pantomime villain, Marco Materazzi pranced around the pitch in a Point Break-esque Berlusconi mask. The only thing missing was a Super Pippo goal celebration.

Somehow the FA Cup managed to squeeze excitement out of every single tie. The pick of the lot going to Leeds' further revolt against Premiership big boys – this time against Spurs at White Hart Lane. Defoe missed an early penalty and the ubiquitous transfer target Jermaine Beckford scoring two equalizing goals, the second coming in the ninety fourth minute. Heroics from Leeds' keeper Casper Ankergren ensured a mouth watering replay at Elland Road as the consensus among fans and critics seems to be that the cup magic has returned.

The only true downer of the weekend cup ties was Arsene Wenger fielding a very weakened Arsenal side. Yet every cloud has a silver lining and Stoke City easily beat Arsenal's kids (and in football terms, a grandfather, as Sol Campbell made his return to the Arsenal first team) by three goals to one.

Anyway, I could go on and on about this week, there were really that many talking points but to maintain your sanity and my employment I'll finish the update with the week's funniest moment: Arjen Robben tumbling around on the sidelines with a rather reluctant Louis van Gaal.

Top Ways to Pretend to be a Footy Pundit

Go on Gary, get stuck in, mate!

1. Constantly lambast Liverpool for their zonal marking. Really? Exactly how do you expect to mark your opposition?

2. Or go on and on about Chelsea's diamond formation being their demise...Top of the league, game in hand – rather sounds more like a recipe for success.

3. Lament the loss of the magic of the FA Cup. Seems someone has forgotten that both Manchester United and Liverpool have been knocked out in the Third Round.

4. Moan about the current interpretation of the offsides rule. Strange, the interpretation makes sense and, theoretically at least, favors the attacking side.

5. Demand video replays. Take away referring errors and exactly what will TV presenters have to talk about? Hmm, in that case maybe there is a positive to introducing video technology.

   Anyway, welcome to 2010 - a World Cup year no less. Pass It! will try its best to get off its lazy arse and waste more of your time in this coming year.

   Coming soon: Who Goes First - Fergie vs. The Glazers?, More Articles About How Shite US Soccerball Is, South Africa Previews, More Empty Promises...

Same old Arsenal...

The Irish football association wants a replay. Thierry Henry thinks it would be the fairest option. Hell, even 82% of the French public said yes when polled about whether they think there should be a replay. Presumably the other 18% probably just feel sorry for the Irish and couldn't bear to see them sweat more blood, miss more golden opportunities and end up with nowt. Again.

But of course FIFA are licking their lips. The precious cargo of France and Portugal made it safely through the dicey playoffs. We'll all get to see Cristiano Ronaldo cry in South Africa. Of course that'll be after they eliminate England on penners and we all have to watch David Beckham and John Terry cry. Based on their performances over the past few years it will be a miracle if France even make it to a stage where crying would be acceptable. They might as well have just gone out to a "brave Irish side"® and sacked Domenech before what will surely be an embarrassing World Cup campaign. Seriously, their manager believes in horoscopes. It's the twenty first century and people still believe in that shit?

The only person making any sense amidst all the controversy is Ireland's manager Giovanni Trappatoni. As much as the majority of the footballing world would love to see a replay it would set a terrible precedent. Trap has rightly pointed this out in his post-match comments. Where would we draw the line? What about a missed penalty decision? A controversial sending off which could have just been a caution? A bad offsides call? There would end up more decisions off the pitch than on it.

Of course the easy solution is television replays. But that's not cool with the old school and plus it wouldn't leave us much to complain about. Every good story needs a villain.